Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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