Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
