Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
