Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
