It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
