he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
