you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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