I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Randomize
