all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
