It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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