I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize