I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
