i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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