my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
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