you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
you had me at cake vodka
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
