I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
