apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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