guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
