Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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