Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
