i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
