Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
