Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Come on in and take your pants off
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