Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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