things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
