dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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