y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize