If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
