Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
