so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
