She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize