we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
