Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
