All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
