is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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