i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
