Where are you?
In a non slutty way
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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