She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
