It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
