Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
