there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
