I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
