In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
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