My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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