Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
