we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
