You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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