her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
