Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
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