well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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