A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
