Im at strip club and am horny
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
