so let's talk penis.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
