Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
