I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
