i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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