pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize