It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
