I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
