Soap is not a condiment
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
