Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
