Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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