Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
