Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
