1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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