No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
