Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
