So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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