My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
