Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
you had me at cake vodka
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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