1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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