Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
