Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
