your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
