we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
