So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
