Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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