Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
thus making me awesome and them whores
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
