i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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