I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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