I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
