Sorry, I don't speak sober.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
