Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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