4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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