I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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