I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
