we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
try to milk me bitch
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