I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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