Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
