This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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