life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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