Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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