he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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