Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
