Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I currently don't understand fingers.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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