Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
