Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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