dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize