i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
