im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
