Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
