you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
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