I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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