he referred to my room as the tit cave...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
