I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
